Mom got married almost a year ago. She lived with me for a long time and was looking for “the same” on the site for dating. This man at first sometimes came to us at night, but six months ago we moved to another house, and he began to live with us.
He stopped working and interrupted by random part-time jobs-at best, once every two weeks he will go somewhere to work. And mom works seven days a week, everything pulls on herself.
Once he hit her when he was drunk. More precisely, I tried to strangle. I was then in my room – I always hear everything and try to listen to to go out if that. Then, when I drank it again, I broke her lip. And a month ago I broke her a rib.
He has problems with alcohol. I am very afraid of him and hate him. Every day I think about whether he will drink today, will mom hit. When he drinks, I do not sleep at night to protect it if it takes it.
Every day I wish him death. I have never had suicidal thoughts, but I think that if he hit his mother, I will be ready to kill him and go to jail. If only my mother was alive.
Kira, thanks for your letter and for trust in us. You and your mother really ended up in a difficult situation, and it’s great that you are asking for help.
I really sympathize with you and understand how hard it is. In relation to your mother, a crime is committed that threatens her life, and therefore you first need to contact the police and one of the organizations that protect women from domestic violence.
Unfortunately, you do not write how mom comments on everything that happens. Do you talk somehow on this topic? But it is clear that in this situation you suffer both.
Alcohol dependence and aggression is a terrible circle that can and be sure to open. The people who are committed by violence can very rarely do it on their own, since two factors involuntarily work:
- “I myself am to blame for everything”.
- “Maybe this will never happen again”.
But, unfortunately, this is not so and, as you have already understood, aggression has the properties of progress.
I understand your emotions, but in this situation I recommend maintaining calm and the coldest head. Please do not kill him. It is best to tell mom that you are very worried about both of you, and agree on what you will do if such a situation is repeated.
As an option, you can collect the necessary things in advance. And if you see that your stepfather is inadequate, then try to leave home as quickly as possible to a safe place. Maybe relatives or friends.
Perhaps it will not be easy to do. You may not have time to leave, or mom will agree at first, and then refuses – for example, she will work for fear that it will only be worse, or the hope that this time everything will definitely cost.
That is why I recommend that you turn to a crisis center for help in advance, where my colleagues, experienced psychologists, will tell you what to do in such cases
as to convince mom to act and what additional steps should be taken.
It is important to understand that in these centers they will not put pressure on you or force something to something. They will listen to you calmly and tell you what is best done in a particular situation. And you will definitely not be one.
In the event that for some reason you did not have time to leave or did not call the specialized center, but you hear that the stepfather beats mom, please call the police and an ambulance immediately by phone 112. You can also call the hotline of the psychological assistance service.
Unfortunately, in this case, it is impossible to help mom without constant support of professionals.